Cousin Pete original.
Originally posted on The Daily Siege 1/3/2007:
“He taught me how to properly hug a girl. At first I thought the lesson was going to be about her, her needs, how she should feel. But no, he mainly focused on how to press her close enough to you to feel her boobs pressed against your chest, without her suspecting it.
He keeps deadly pets. He has a pit bull and a rottweiler, but his main source of joy is his collection of giant boa constrictors. When I took Katie (poor Katie!) to meet him, and she got stoned with him and my mom and his family, he insisted on showing her the snakes being fed live rats. This is not a good thing to see for the first time when you’re stoned off your ass, surrounded by rednecks, in a ramshackle trailer in the backwoods of Mississippi, but Katie survived, and I’d like to believe she’s a better person for it, if perhaps scarred a little.
There are many other stories about Pete, many happy, more sad. But this is enough right here, right now.”